Stress Hardiness, Optimizing Stress, Being Fully Alive

The Daily Puppy

All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
—James Thurber

I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of.
—Michel de Montaigne

Do either of those quotes resonate with you? They do with me because I was lucky enough to be depressed when I was a child…I was bored out of my mind and decided there must be a better way to live. I didn’t know what my new life would look like, but I was committed to finding it.

Among other things I read a lot of self-improvement books, attended some personal growth workshops and tested the various suggestions. Some of the material was helpful, but most of it was too “success”-oriented for me. In one workshop we were supposed to envision our goals…for instance writing a book…and imagine what it would be like when the goal was achieved…the sense of accomplishment, the feel of the completed book in our hands, the financial and social rewards, etc. I essentially flunked the workshop because I didn’t want those external rewards. I wanted to enjoy writing the book. So what if I finished one, big deal. Life wouldn’t end there…I would simply start on the next goal, so why not figure out how to enjoy the process? The workshop leader was visibly upset that I didn’t “get it”, but it was well worth the money to find that out about myself.

I’ve been thinking of that a lot the past few weeks as I tackle learning about CSS, HTML and WordPress. I’ve been spending long hours on it and…for the most part… having a good time. I refuse to get frustrated when things go wrong because I’m doing it for the sake of learning, not for the end result. When I find myself pushing to get things to work I consciously relax and take one step at a time. This method seems to be the opposite of what our fast-paced culture values, but it doesn’t matter. One size doesn’t fit all, and I believe the best gift we can give ourselves and others is to find what works for us and to have the courage to pursue it.

What about you? What lights your fire? Are you motivated more by goals than by the process itself? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

bikehikbabe sent me these pictures from the internet:

According to a letter written to Snopes, the parents had built the colorful playground for their two boys but the bears tried it out first. When the mother saw the bears playing in it the next morning, she watched them for a while…and took pictures… before chasing them off. She didn’t want them to think the playground was theirs. Then the father installed an air horn just in case the bears or other unwanted guests came too close for safety.

It’s just another example of life’s unpredictability. Things don’t always go the way we expect…so it’s best to be resourceful.

What about you? Do you have any resourcefulness stories? If so, please share them in the comments section.

Thanks to Robert, bikehikebabe, Bamboo Forest and Lisa for comments on last week’s post.

And thanks to bikehikebabe for sending me the pictures.

 
 
19melissa68. Creative Commons license.

When I tackle a specific problem, such as revising my WordPress themes, I can be like a dog gnawing on a bone. But as I was learning my way around my first Mac and the new version of WordPress, I noticed that I was spending a lot of time looking at a picture in my head of where things are now. Often pushing to get things done wasn’t as effective as taking a moment or two out to look and get oriented. It reminded me of rats in a maze, trying different paths and making a mental map of their new surroundings.

In a classic study of latent learning researchers let a group of hungry rats explore a maze for ten days with no food rewards. When those rats were rewarded with food on the eleventh day, they quickly negotiated the maze as rapidly as rats who had been rewarded from the start. They had learned a great deal during their period of unrewarded exploration.

I can learn from that. Becoming proficient in CSS (Cascading Style Sheets) is going to take a long time. The rules are complicated, and trying to rush will be counterproductive. So I’m doing a lot of time exploring, seeing how different authors have done their WordPress themes and noticing similarities and differences. It doesn’t matter that I don’t always understand what they’re doing…I am starting to recognize patterns. I’m also reading some books on the subject, and parts are becoming more clear. The important thing is not to feel frustrated by what I don’t understand. Latent learning is going on…I can trust the process. I’ll let you know how it turns out!

What about you? What are you learning? What have you learned that you weren’t aware of at the time? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.

Thanks to David, bikehikebabe and Robert for commenting on last week’s post.

 
This month the topic for Robert Hruzek’s group writing project is What I Learned From…Animals. That’s an easy one for me because my two granddogs, Sammy and Banshee, are my role models for blogging. They were taken aback by the size when we gave them two huge bones a couple of years ago, but then they dove right in, had a good time and never looked back.

 

I thought of them a lot the past two weeks as I made major modifications to my blogging theme. It was a big stretch for me, but I kept my granddogs’ lessons firmly in mind:

• Don’t be intimidated,
• Have a good time, and
• Hang in there.

As you can see, Banshee did a great job with that bone.

It’s been a great two weeks for me, too. I still have some fine tuning to do, but I finished the most important modifications. I also learned a lot…there’s a noticeable increase in my skill level. So thank you, Sammy and Banshee!

What about you? Do you have any role models? Have you tackled any challenges recently? Please share your ideas in the comments section.
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Thanks to bikehikebabe for commenting on last week’s post.

 
 
19melissa68. Creative Commons license.

I’ve never been lost, but I was mighty turned around for three days once.
—Daniel Boone

At the moment I can identify with this rat in the maze…I’m exploring new territory and expanding my mental map of the world of blogging. In the process I’m going through a period of confusion. But like Daniel Boone I’m not lost…I’m just a bit “turned around” for a while.

Why the confusion? I just switched to a MacBook from the PCs I’ve been using for years. I also installed a more recent version of WordPress, which has a different interface from the old one. Neither of those changes are difficult, but it takes some practice to be able to work without having to think of the mechanics.

And if that weren’t enough to keep me amused, I decided to change my blog themes from three columns to two. That means going into the inner workings of my WordPress files and learning something about PHP (a scripting language for building web sites) and becoming more adept at CSS (Cascading Style Sheets). When I developed my sites last year, I took an open source theme and hacked around until my site looked the way I wanted it to. The resulting coding wasn’t very elegant, and I knew someday I would have to spend a lot of time understanding how to do it correctly. That time is now. It’s a big job, but I’m breaking it down into bite-sized pieces and am learning a lot. Being confused in the process is a small price to pay for a bit more mastery. All it takes is the courage to be confused and the courage to be patient.

What about you? Are you trying something new at the moment? How do you feel about it? Please share your experience in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe for commenting on last week’s post.

Elizabeth Thomsen. Creative Commons license.

If you do a Google search on mindful eating, you will find quite a few links. I recently did the search because I read a Wall Street Journal article entitled Putting an End to Mindless Munching. It’s an intriguing idea…many people who are overweight don’t enjoy their food…they’re often thinking about the next mouthful rather than savoring the present bite. I’ve noticed that I do that at times, and the easiest way for me is to slow down is to think of this delightful picture by the constant skeptic

the constant skeptic. All rights reserved by owner.

 
This picture tickles my funny bone and encourages me to wake up to the present moment. I mean, if a squirrel can do it, why can’t I?

So, that works for me. What about you? Do you savor your food or do you rush through it? What works for you? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe, Robert and Tracy for commenting on last week’s post.

Thanks also to the constant skeptic for permission to use the picture.

a4gpa. Creative Commons license.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
—e.e. cummings

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
—Yiddish Proverb

I’ve used this picture and these quotes before, but I can always stand to be reminded. I’ve even been putting “Laugh out loud at least 5 times a day” on my Possibility List. I mean, how hard is it to say “ha, ha, ha, ha, ha” or “hee, hee, hee, hee, hee”? In fact, “hee, hee, hee, hee, hee” works best for me, because it forces my mouth into a smile, and I do notice the change in my body and spirits.

But, you might say, that’s not really laughing. We only really laugh when something strikes us as funny. Not so. It works the other way, too. If you laugh a lot you start seeing more humor in life, just like smiling can often change our mood.

In Cut Stress By Anticipating Laughter? Kelley Colihan says, “OK, take a deep breath. Now put your hand on your belly. Imagine your stomach jiggling, as if you are starting to laugh. You may have just taken a step toward reducing stress hormone levels.” One study has shown that merely anticipating a laugh can lower our level of stress.

My husband and I tend to laugh a lot, but it never hurts to keep ourselves tuned up. And that really paid off the other night. I was getting ready for bed when my husband came rushing in, saying, “Jean, there’s water all over the kitchen floor! I turned the faucet off and drained the sink, but we have to mop it up before it drips on our downstairs neighbor!” He was right, of course. I did mutter a short, “Good Lord, Jean!” to myself, because I was the culprit, but then I thought of my Garmin and said, “Recalculating. Recalculating.” I got out some sponges and buckets and we started to mop up. That didn’t quite work…it was like trying to bail out a boat using a tablespoon, so I got out two plastic dustpans and we used the sponges to sweep the water into the pans, which we emptied into the buckets. That was a lot faster.

Once we had a system that would clearly work, we started joking and having a good time. I’ll obviously try not to let the water run over again, but realistically there’s no way to promise. So we bought a water alarm that will go off if I do forget. Our motto is “Do the best you can with what you’ve got.” And if that’s not good enough, get some help. It’s a lot more fun to lighten up and enjoy life than to worry about our imperfections. As I said in last week’s post: we don’t have to be perfect to be awesome.

What about you? How do you lighten up when little things go wrong? Please share your experience in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe, Robert and The Constant Skeptic for commenting on last week’s post.

Thanks also to Square-Peg Karen for her posts, especially the recent one entitled You Smell. It definitely made me laugh out loud.

 

This month the assignment for Robert Hruzek’s What I Learned From… series is to take two or more of the following topics and combine them in a post: School, Writing, Children, Television, Recreation, Movies, Relatives, Friends, Heroes, Planes, Food, Pets, Trains, Time, Space, Automobiles, Technology, Mountains. I can do that!

The Wedding
We just returned from an 11-day, 3150-mile trip to to Deerfield, IL for my daughter’s wedding, so friends, relatives and food are well covered. Kaitlin and Torben had an open house/party at their house Friday evening, with 40-50 friends and relatives present and with an elaborate assortment of food. Then Saturday evening they had the wedding and dinner at the Chicago Botanic Garden, and Sunday they provided brunch at their favorite restaurant. We were well-fed and had plenty of chances to reconnect with friends and family. It warms my heart to think of the friendliness and thoughtfulness of the whole weekend. I’m bursting with pride to be related to both of them. It’s not too much to say they’re my heroes.

Children were invited to all three affairs, and a baby sitter, children’s menus and entertainment were part of the wedding planning. One of the things that touched my heart was that Abby, Kaitlin’s eight-year-old next-door neighbor and flower girl, was so excited about the wedding that she insisted she and Kaitlin get their hair, face and nails done Saturday morning. Kaitlin good-naturedly agreed, even though she wiped most of the makeup off as soon as she got home. (Her exact words were: “Mom, I look like a clown!”) She didn’t like the way her hair was fixed…it wasn’t really “her”…but she left it alone until the next day for Abby’s sake. Yes, it was a kid-friendly affair. And yes, I’m awed by the thoughtfulness of the bride.

Kaitlin and Torben’s four pets (two cats and two dogs) couldn’t be physically present at the ceremony, but they weren’t forgotten. Each of the tables at the wedding had pictures of one or more of the pets, and the minister mentioned each of them by name.

Some of the guests came from as far away as Denmark and Czechoslovakia, so planes were the most popular way of getting there. But others were like us and used automobiles, and some even used trains. Also, many guests used the local Metra trains to sightsee in Chicago.

The Trip
Clearly those three events were a form of recreation, and we also did some sightseeing in Arkansas on the way: Fort Smith, Hot Springs National Park, and Little Rock. Television played a part because when we were driving we watched the Weather Channel every evening to check for tornadoes. We were lucky and weren’t threatened by any, but one touched down in Eastern Arkansas the day after we left the region. There were some tornado watches on our way home, but they had already moved to the east of us. The only severe weather was heavy winds and driving rain between Springfield, MO and Amarillo, TX.

One of the biggest forms of recreation during the drive was using the new technology I brought along in the automobile. Just before the trip I bought my first GPS navigation device: a Garmin nuvi 200W. It’s not one of the fanciest versions, but it’s amazing what such a little device can do. My husband does the driving on our trips and I do the planning and navigating. I use Microsoft’s Streets and Trips ahead of time to plan the routes and the overnight stays, but the Garmin made it even easier to find our motels and restaurants in the evening, and it was invaluable in finding lunch places along the way. It’s also a great toy for someone like me, who has loved maps and geography since grammar school days. I now not only have a multitude of maps at my fingertips, I have the magic of being able to see our little car moving along on them. I had brought along a portable DVD player and some movies to watch, but I only used it briefly. The Garmin was too much fun.

We also used its calculator function to keep tabs on the gas mileage of our rental car…a Dodge Charger. We were a bit concerned that the estimated EPA was only 18 miles/gallon, so each time we stopped we noted the mileage and number of gallons, carefully writing down the numbers. It turned out we averaged over 30 miles/gallon on the freeway, and about 28.3 miles/gallon overall…not nearly as bad as we had feared. We always rent full-sized cars because we do take a lot of stuff with us, including a thermoelectric cooler which takes up half the back seat, and we need the space! I’m afraid our days of traveling light are far behind us.

I also brought along my first laptop, a Macbook, which I bought just before the trip, so I could check my e-mail and answer comments on my blogs in the motel. And I brought along my StressEraser, which I sometimes used if I had trouble sleeping at night. I was especially grateful for it that day between Springfield and Amarillo. We were passing a truck when it hit a big puddle and splashed enough water on us that we momentarily lost contact with the pavement. We almost slammed into the guard rail. As soon as we regained control I used the StressEraser and almost immediately restored my emotional balance. Apparently my practicing has payed off.

Lessons Learned
So what did I learn from the trip? I already knew what fantastic people Kaitlin and Torben are, but this trip certainly reinforced it in my mind. And the trip, as always, reinforced how much we love the mountains of Northern New Mexico. We have a good time on trips, but it’s always good to get back home. We did see some country we had never been to before, especially Arkansas, but that scarcely qualifies as a life lesson. No, the two life lessons I got from the trip involve the Garmin:

1. Whenever we took a “wrong” turn or went too far, the little voice never criticized or got upset. It simply kept repeating: “Recalculating. Recalculating.” That’s an attitude I’m going to try to cultivate for myself. Okay, so what I just tried didn’t work. Don’t waste energy getting upset, just figure out what to try next.
2. And the Garmin isn’t perfect by any means…it does make mistakes. That just shows we don’t have to be perfect to be awesome. So let’s appreciate all the things we do right rather than focus on our flaws.

This post is way too long, but I couldn’t resist the challenge. Do you ever get that way? Also, have you learned any interesting life lessons lately? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe and Shirley for commenting on last week’s post.

I am thrilled by Linda’s work. As well as offering us extraordinary guidance toward reconnecting with the animal world, she shows us how to be more fully alive as human beings, by reawakening our faculty for touching. This is a great healing gift — to humans, to animals, and to Mother Earth.
— Paul Winter

The above quote refers to the work of Linda Tellington-Jones. I’ve used her Ttouch method at the local animal shelter, most recently with Clyde, shown in the before and after pictures on the left. As I mentioned in Finding and Bringing Joy over at Cheerful Monk, Clyde was vulnerable but trusting when I first gave him the Ttouches. He trembled the whole time, but he leaned against me for reassurance rather than trying to pull away. By the end of the first session he was smiling, and by the second session he was asking for more. That’s a common reaction, and I’m happy to oblige. The fact is, I get as much out of the sessions as the dogs do. They make me feel centered and fully alive.

Another nice thing about the touches…I can give them to myself when I start losing that feeling of centeredness and I don’t have time to go to the shelter. That isn’t as satisfying as connecting with another creature, but it’s a great method of self-care. You might try it yourself and see if it works for you.

What methods of self care do you use? What do you do to feel fully alive? Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.

The relaxation response is a physical state of deep rest that changes the physical and emotional responses to stress…. [it is] the opposite of the fight or flight response.
—Herbert Benson, M. D.

In my last post I mentioned I was experimenting with a biofeedback device called the StressEraser. It’s been helpful if I wake up tense in the middle of the night. Even better, it helps me sleep more restfully if I use it just before bedtime. It has also made me more aware of my breathing during the day, especially when I catch my breath … literally forgetting to breathe. I’ve been doing that surprisingly often. The big difference is I notice it now. That’s a big payoff for the small amount of time I’ve been spending with the device…averaging about 15 to 20 minutes a day.

What It Measures
What exactly does the StressEraser do? It uses an infrared detector to measure the the tiny changes in your pulse rate, which it displays as a wave. These changes are related to the state of your nervous system, so you can tell when you are becoming more or less relaxed. Figure 1 shows a screen shot of a person in a stressful state (notice the ragged graph and all the single squares), and Figure 2 shows one of a person in an ideally relaxed state. My waves aren’t that regular even when I’m getting good marks (3 squares) for being relaxed, but I can definitely see the difference.

Why It Works For Me
I’m a visual person, so I appreciate being able to see…right away… what’s going on. I also love to experiment, so I haven’t only been following the recommended procedure: focusing on my breath and counting how long it takes. I’ve been trying other things, like chanting, slowly saying affirmations while exhaling, etc. With the device I can see how my organism responds, and it turns the process into a game. It also lets me see which techniques work best for me.

And, as I said, I’m much more conscious of my breathing during the day. The StressEraser has taught me to notice how I’m exhaling. I used to think I had to take slow deep breaths to calm myself, but the device has taught me that all I have to do is exhale slowly and completely. If I expel all the air in my lungs, inhaling will take care of itself.

Would I Recommend It For You?
If you’re interested in a portable biofeedback device I would suggest reading about both the StressEraser and another device called the emWave at amazon.com. Read the descriptions and also the reviews from people who have used them. The devices are expensive and do require some commitment. Also different things work for different people, so I personally would buy one only if I could return it within a reasonable time period, usually 30 days.

Even if you decide against buying one of the devices, I would recommend experimenting with your breathing. If you focus your mind away from stressful thoughts and gradually start breathing at a rate of less than 6 1/2 breaths per minute, there’s a good chance you will easily slip into the relaxation response. At least that’s the way it works for me!

What about you? How do you calm yourself when your life starts to become hectic? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Images by StressEraser.

Thanks to bikehikebabe and Ellen for commenting on last week’s post.