Entries Tagged 'Self-Worth' ↓
October 28th, 2007 — Love and Compassion, Self-Worth
All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble…. They can never be solved, but only outgrown. This “outgrowth” proved on further investigation to require a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest appeared on the patient’s horizon, and through this broadening of his or her outlook the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own terms but faded when confronted with a new and stronger life urge.
—Carl Jung
When you start doing Morning Pages, you’ll be surprised at the things you find lurking within. And, just as you feel refreshed when you step out of the shower, your mind, heart, and soul will feel refreshed after writing Morning Pages. You will walk a little lighter. Your mind will be more focused on the task(s) at hand. Your thinking will be more clear. Your heart will be open — so you may find yourself more patient or less irritated with the day’s events.
—Website discussing Julia Cameron’s morning pages
I’ve been thinking a lot about Bob’s comment to last week’s post: “My big problem is that I just do not do well with any kind of conflict in my life. Any time I think that someone is upset with me or disappointed in me, it really tears me up.” He raises an important point…getting some perspective and seeing things rationally is important, but it’s not enough. We still have to respect our feelings and deal with them. Feelings are, they’re not to be judged but listened to. And when they’re deeply heard, they shift by themselves.
I’ll talk more about this in future posts. For now I’ll just say free association writing is one of the most effective ways of dealing with feelings…and to get the kind of shift Carl Jung is talking about. Just get some paper and a pencil or a pen (or do it on the computer if you prefer) and let it all out. Keep the pen (or pencil or fingers) moving. Don’t worry about punctuation or spelling…just write down anything that comes into your mind. The important thing is not to judge or censure, just put it all down. If things come up that you would rather not share with anyone else, then shred the paper afterwards. The idea is to get in touch with the deepest parts of you. You’ll be surprised what you learn. And you’ll be surprised at the clarity and integration that comes from the process.
What about you? Have you ever tried free-association writing? How do you deal with your feelings? This site is about sharing, so please tell us your thoughts in the comments section.
Picture of girl writing by arkworld via Flickr. Used with permission. All rights reserved by owner.
Picture of hand writing in green ink by snorrlax via Flickr. Used with permission. All rights reserved by owner.
Picture of hand writing in notebook by bgblogging via Flickr. Creative Commons license.
August 5th, 2007 — Love and Compassion, Self-Worth
And did you find what you wanted in this life even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved.
To feel myself beloved on this earth.
–Raymond Carver
The Dalai Lama once told a group of professors at Columbia University that the greatest teachers in the world aren’t the lamas or professors or gurus. The greatest teachers are the mothers, for they’re the ones who give children their first experience of being loved and valued as human beings.
I would expand that view of teacher to fathers, grandparents and any other person who has a compassionate and loving relationship with a child.
And this teaching isn’t just for children. It is for ourselves and everyone we come in contact with. When we practice love and compassion we bring more peace and happiness into the world. As the Dalai Lama says, “The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life.” It is our human nature to want love and connection with others.
One of the greatest sources of stress and depression in modern life is the over-emphasis on material things and not enough on the deep need for affection and connection with our fellow human beings.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “We must be the change we want in the world.” Every day we have opportunities to put more love and compassion into the world. Becoming a “great teacher” by taking advantage of those opportunities is the greatest thing we can do for ourselves and for everyone else.
For more on the Dalai Lama’s views, click here.
And to explore another view of the search for purpose, see Adam Kayce’s post
May 16th, 2007 — Self-Worth
Yea, Cyn! In her final comment yesterday Cyn wrote:
“I don’t want to define my selfworth by the WORK I get done. I just want to BE & enjoy just being me.”
That’s why I’m doing an interactive blog rather than just writing articles. Notice I didn’t tell Cyn what to do, she went from (1) wanting to control her husband to (2) saying she fights with her husband because of self-worth issues, to (3) saying she’d be better off doing work that made her feel good about herself, to (4) saying she wants to enjoy herself just the way she is. She doesn’t want her self-worth to be dictated by what she work does.
I didn’t do much at all, just asked a couple of questions for her to think about. There are gazillion books out there telling us how we can improve our lives. We’re fortunate to have them at our disposal, but they won’t do much until
- we tune into ourselves and see what we really want,
- notice if what we’re doing now is getting us closer to what we want, and, if not,
- do something else.
That’s a big part of the process. Another part, if we so choose, is to remember to keep doing it. Hopefully, that’s an important part of this website, to have supporters interested in what we’re trying. Please keep us posted, Cyn!
May 14th, 2007 — Self-Worth
Linda Salazar at Awaken the Genie Within has a relevant post on The Need to Be Right. That, of course, was one of the points of Cyn’s comments to the last post:
“If [my] husband agrees with me, he says nothing. Often he disagrees. (difference of opinion)
Then it’s an argument; each trying to prove I’m right. We both can be right, but we fight for our point. I never argue with anyone, but my husband.”
Linda ends her post with: “After all, would you rather be right or happy?” The truth is, a lot of people would rather be right. My guess is they think their self-worth is at stake. What do you think?
