Entries Tagged 'Patience' ↓

The main thing that has happened up on the land recently is Andy has been clearing out dead trees and cutting them into pieces. The hope is if the workmen ever come back they will haul them away for firewood.

When people ask Andy how it is going he says, “It’s imminent. And it has been for the past six weeks.” Even he is starting to get impatient. We’ve now lost six weeks of great weather and passable roads. The story has been the contractor is working on getting quotes, but now Andy is ready to start pushing a bit. We’ll have to see how it goes.

In the meantime we received an email from the kitchen designer saying the prices for the cabinets will go up 2% on June 1st. She now has a new supplier for the counter tops and doesn’t think the prices will change that much–she will check when we’re ready to sign a contract. I’m not sure how we can get a firm bid from the contractor without little pieces of information like that, but to quote one of our favorite sayings, “They didn’t ask me.” I’m staying out of it. I’ve got enough to do learning how to use new techniques in Photoshop. It’s more fun than waiting for other people.

Is there anything imminent in your life right now?

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Click on picture for higher resolution.

 
We now have nine solar panels mounted, only nine more to go (on a separate pole). We still need to install the batteries and hook them up to the panels, but things are moving along.

Also Joe is finishing up a project down here and should shortly be ready to get the permit to finish the shed. It pays to be patient.

What about you? Are you getting opportunities to practice your patience?

 
Do you think this truck is big enough?

I love the distortion from the camera lens because it reminds me of how easy it is to see things incorrectly and think our perceptions represent reality. Here is a more accurate picture:
 

 
The truck is still plenty big.

What happened is we got a call from the Dodge place Monday saying they had found a truck that was almost exactly what we wanted, so we didn’t have to wait six to ten weeks. It still needed a spray-in bed liner for rust protection and a sliding window for hauling long objects, but we went down Tuesday and paid for it so they could make the modifications.

The thing that surprised us was having to spend about an hour filling out paperwork. We had already spent a half hour on red tape before we were sent to this fellow to complete the transaction. It took another half hour to go through his pile. He was cheerful, friendly and efficient, but we still had to sign every single piece of paper.
 

 
I am so glad I don’t have his job.

What about you? How patient are you with paperwork? Have you had to endure any recently?

иконописikoni

This cartoon tickled me, but I don’t really believe it. For one thing, sometimes patience represents hope rather than despair…say when we grow a garden or raise a child. Some of the most worthwhile things in life can’t be rushed, they take time.

And there are no guarantees. Sometimes things don’t go the way we hope. After we’ve done all we can and the situation is out of our hands, we just have to let it go…either temporarily or forever. And focus on keeping it from poisoning the rest of our lives.

My daughter is in that boat right now. She and my son-in-law are trying to remodel their house, a major undertaking that was supposed to start on May 3rd and hasn’t started yet. They were finally through most of the hurdles (financing and building permits) they thought, but the changes in the plans someone in the local authority had told them to make turned out to be illegal. So they’re back to Square One on the building permit. This is two months after moving into their rental house, which means more money going out the door with nothing to show for it.

My daughter is an effective, can-do person, so this is especially hard for her. But because she is so effective she will wind up handling it well. She has plenty of other things in her life to focus on until it’s time to deal with this situation again. Yes, it’s hard, but stress-hardiness techniques do work.

What about you? Have you ever been in a situation like this?

cheerfulmonk. Creative Commons license.
 

Guess who’s having a new will made? We were supposed to sign last Monday, but the lawyer made a few mistakes in our last changes so we decided to take the time to make sure she put them in correctly. We’ll do the final signing next Monday.

There’s a lot more legal jargon in this one than in the one we had made 18 years ago, which meant we spent a lot more time going through it and making sure we understood it. The lawyer did add some useful details in our advance health directives, so on the whole we’re pleased with the final product.

It is hard to believe, though, that some of complexity isn’t aimed at giving job security to lawyers.

What about you? Have you ever struggled with legal documents, containing language such as

I direct that the representation by a guardian ad litem of the interests of persons unborn, unascertained, or legally incompetent to act in proceedings for the allowance of accounts hereunder be dispensed with to the extent permitted by law.

The interest of any beneficiary in any share or part of this Will, both as to principal and income, shall not be alienable, assignable, attachable, transferable nor paid by way of anticipation, nor in compliance with any order, assignment or covenant and shall not be applied to, or held liable for, any of their debts or obligations either in law or equity and shall not in any event pass to his, her or their assignee under any instrument or under any insolvency or bankruptcy law, and shall not be subject to the interference or control of creditors, spouses or others.

If so, did you need help in translating?

cheerfulmonk. Creative Commons license.

cheerfulmonk. Creative Commons license.

cheerfulmonk. Creative Commons license.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
—Lao-tzu

If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it.
—Thich Nhat Hanh

Last week’s post, What I Learned From Losing Loved Ones, was a heavy piece, and my husband’s brother has recently been diagnosed with cancer. He’s dealing with chemotherapy as well as the after effects of an invasive (5 hours in surgery) biopsy. I can’t do much for him and his family except to let them know that they’re in our thoughts and prayers, but I can work on my own equanimity and courage.

As I mentioned last week, the thing that works best for me is connecting with other people, with life as a whole. And this doesn’t have to be anything big. It can be as simple as sharing pictures and/or being understanding when dealing with insurance matters.

Goddard Is Back!
Goddard, the dog in the photos, is the first thing that comes to mind. Tom, one of our local Animal Control officers, sent an e-mail to the volunteers in Friends of the Shelter. It was entitled Goddard is back! He reminded us that Goddard often has issues with other dogs, so be careful when we take him out. Goddard was adopted last year and was doing fine in his new home, but he’s a victim of the housing bubble…his owners had to give up their home and move into an apartment.

After Tom sent the e-mail, he received a slew of responses saying how affectionate Goddard is and how much the volunteers love working with him. So I found these three pictures I took last year and shared them. It was a simple gesture, but looking at the photos again warmed my heart, and the father of the girls in the pictures hadn’t seen them before. He wanted to add them to his collection. Of course.

Dealing With Insurance
Keeping track of health insurance matters is often a bit of a challenge, because it can take months for the paperwork to come back, and it’s often incorrect. Even the representatives don’t always understand the system. Sometimes a phone call will clear up the matter, sometimes it won’t. I had a case this past week where the representative said absolute hogwash. There was no way his story made sense. And that was all right.

I’ve finally learned to be patient and to remember my interaction with a fellow human being is more important than straightening things out in one phone call. One question that helps is “How can I connect with sacredness in this moment?” I cheerfully admit, it’s an off-beat approach, but it works for me. So in cases like this I thank the person for his time, then I make another phone call later to get more information. I keep trying until I find someone who understands what has happened and how things should work.

It took me a long time to view dealing with red tape as an opportunity to make this world a slightly more loving place. And doing my small part, no matter how modest, to do just that is the best way for me to handle stress and mourning.

What About You?

What are your greatest sources of stress? What are your greatest resources? What works for you?

 
This month the topic for Robert Hruzek’s group writing project is What I Learned From…Animals. That’s an easy one for me because my two granddogs, Sammy and Banshee, are my role models for blogging. They were taken aback by the size when we gave them two huge bones a couple of years ago, but then they dove right in, had a good time and never looked back.

 

I thought of them a lot the past two weeks as I made major modifications to my blogging theme. It was a big stretch for me, but I kept my granddogs’ lessons firmly in mind:

• Don’t be intimidated,
• Have a good time, and
• Hang in there.

As you can see, Banshee did a great job with that bone.

It’s been a great two weeks for me, too. I still have some fine tuning to do, but I finished the most important modifications. I also learned a lot…there’s a noticeable increase in my skill level. So thank you, Sammy and Banshee!

What about you? Do you have any role models? Have you tackled any challenges recently? Please share your ideas in the comments section.
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Thanks to bikehikebabe for commenting on last week’s post.

Elizabeth Thomsen. Creative Commons license.

If you do a Google search on mindful eating, you will find quite a few links. I recently did the search because I read a Wall Street Journal article entitled Putting an End to Mindless Munching. It’s an intriguing idea…many people who are overweight don’t enjoy their food…they’re often thinking about the next mouthful rather than savoring the present bite. I’ve noticed that I do that at times, and the easiest way for me is to slow down is to think of this delightful picture by the constant skeptic

the constant skeptic. All rights reserved by owner.

 
This picture tickles my funny bone and encourages me to wake up to the present moment. I mean, if a squirrel can do it, why can’t I?

So, that works for me. What about you? Do you savor your food or do you rush through it? What works for you? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe, Robert and Tracy for commenting on last week’s post.

Thanks also to the constant skeptic for permission to use the picture.

Clairity. Creative Commons license.

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.
—Anonymous
 
 
The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen.
—Anonymous

This month the topic for Robert Hruzek’s group writing project is What I Learned From…Odd Jobs. Robert wants to hear about the strangest, most unusual job we’ve ever had. Since I’m a volunteer at heart, I’m not restricting myself to activities I’ve been paid for. I figure if it was something that required commitment for a reasonable length of time, it counts.

My most unusual job, then, was listening to an acquaintance for at least two hours a session, two or three times a week for several months. The woman in question was in her late 60s, had worked most of her life, and was facing retirement. It was time for her to move on, but she couldn’t imagine what she would do without work to structure her life. So she tackled the problem by talking through it. And when I say talking, that was it. She wanted no comments or other interruptions from me. My job was simply to listen the whole time.

MicheKerr. Creative Commons license.

If you’ve ever been in a situation like that, you know how hard it is to be just a listening post, with all of your own experience, thoughts and talents pushed aside. I sometimes felt I could easily have been replaced by a tape recorder or by a friendly pet.
 

How did I get into that situation?
I didn’t expect it to be like that. I assumed she would be thinking on her own and wanted someone to bounce ideas off of. That’s what works for me. I find changes are more fun when I try things and share the results with someone else. When I discovered she didn’t want that, I did try to make the interaction less mind-numbing for me. I actually brought a timer and suggested we take turns talking and listening. That idea lasted about ten minutes. Then she ignored the timer and kept talking.

Why Did I Continue?
So why didn’t I just call it quits? I asked myself that question more than once, and the answer was always: it felt like the right thing to do. The sessions were clearly doing her a lot of good, so I decided to keep going until she had made her transition. She wasn’t talking for the sake of talking, she was seriously working towards something. The process wasn’t going to go on forever. And, in fact, after several months she was started in her new life. She signed up for some courses at the local university and became involved in causes that she cared about.

What I Learned From the Experience
What did I learn? I learned how much I care about making a contribution, something to make this world a slightly friendlier, more loving place. I had always believed that one of the best ways to do that was to listen deeply to another person. But after this experience I learned that I have to pay attention to my own interests and talents, too. So I started looking for situations where I could be more than just a warm body, a listening post. I’m not at all sorry I had this experience, but I don’t feel obligated to ever do it again. Instead I’m living by my motto,

Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.

There are all sorts of ways of making a contribution. And there’s no rule that says you can’t have fun doing it.

What about you? What has been your most unusual job? Do you have an urge to make a contribution? If so, how do you go about it? Please share your thoughts and experience in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe for commenting on last week’s post.

This post is also part of Marcus Goodyear’s Lessons From Odd Jobs group writing project.

lady-bug. Creative Commons license.

dominocat. Creative Commons license.

Becoming mature means learning to accept what you cannot change, facing unresolved sorrows and learning to love life as it really happens, not as you would have it happen.
—Barbara Sher

I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.
—Anne Wilson Schaef

There’s an old Sufi story about accepting imperfection:

Mulla Nasrudin decided to start a flower garden. He prepared the soil and planted the seeds of many beautiful flowers. But when they came up, his garden was filled not just with his chosen flowers but also overrun by dandelions.

He sought out advice from gardeners all over and tried every method known to get rid of them but to no avail. Finally he walked all the way to the capital to speak to the royal gardener at the sheik’s palace.

The wise old man had counseled many gardeners before and suggested a variety of remedies to expel the dandelions but Mulla had tried them all. They sat together in silence for some time and finally the gardener looked at Nasrudin and said, “Well, then I suggest you learn to love them.”

An Experiment in Loving the Weeds

Learning to love the weeds in our lives…that’s an idea worth playing with. The big challenge for me this week was working on income tax. So to get in the proper frame of mind I thought of my new role model and asked, “What would a dolphin do? How would he handle it?” Another way of asking this question is “How can I get this done and enjoy the process?” Once I looked at it this way, the answer was easy. I love puzzles such as such as Word Jumble and Sudoku, and parts of doing income tax isn’t that much different. It’s just figuring out what part of the tax code applies to us and where to put the information we’ve accumulated during the year.

That’s mostly a word-logic puzzle, so I did some warm-ups with Word Jumble…it seemed to activate the same part of the brain that I would be using. And it got me into the ideal problem-solving state: a curious mind in a relaxed body. I also cleared off the dining room table so I could spread out my papers and not have to fumble through them to find what I needed. And I allowed myself plenty of time so I could take a break as often as I wanted.

Results
On the whole the experiment worked well. I enjoyed it, and I didn’t get frustrated when I had to think for a while to figure something out. That meant the process probably went a lot faster than if I had been pushing to get it done.

The only downside was I got hooked by Word Jumble and spent more time playing with that than I had intended. But that’s a topic for next week’s blog! I think it went so well not just because I approached it with the right attitude, but also because I’ve been practicing that mindfulness…a curious but patient mind in a relaxed body… a lot this past year. All those hours working on my two blogs (this one and the one at Cheerful Monk) have really paid off.

So, can we enjoy the weeds in our lives? As we can see from the pictures above, dandelions can be beautiful if you stop to look at them rather than being upset because they’re “ruining” your garden. And I dare say, there are probably a lot more things in my life that I can enjoy if I just stop fighting them. So I suppose the stress-hardy thing to do is take Nasrudin’s attitude—by all means try to get what you want. But if that doesn’t work, do your best to love life just the way it is.

This site is presented as food for thought. Please share your views in the comments section.

Thanks to bikehikebabe for commenting on last week’s post.