Comments on: What I Learned From Being Dumped By My Best Friend http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/ Stress Hardiness, Optimizing Stress, Being Fully Alive Sun, 13 May 2012 21:27:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: bikehikebabe http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6032 bikehikebabe Sat, 25 Feb 2012 23:41:37 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6032 P.S. I won't be friends with anyone that treats me badly--now. If your friend dumped You after giving you a rough time, YOU are the kind, tolerant, loving Good Guy. You know you are. Now don't you feel better :D P.S. I won’t be friends with anyone that treats me badly–now.

If your friend dumped You after giving you a rough time, YOU are the kind, tolerant, loving Good Guy. You know you are. Now don’t you feel better :D

]]> By: bikehikebabe http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6031 bikehikebabe Sat, 25 Feb 2012 16:25:53 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6031 My take on this is that you knew you are a nice person & people like you. You thought you'd make her like you too. A challenge. And she used you to vent her anger, not caused by you but anything & everything else. I've been there, know that. My take on this is that you knew you are a nice person & people like you. You thought you’d make her like you too. A challenge. And she used you to vent her anger, not caused by you but anything & everything else.

I’ve been there, know that.

]]> By: Kasper http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6030 Kasper Sat, 25 Feb 2012 15:24:05 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6030 I doubt it makes much difference whether the relationship was one-sided or really equal. It is the wealth and intensity of emotions harbored and invested that makes it hard to let go and get over any relationship. My experience was one of a fairly one-sided friendship in many regards. Maybe part of what makes it extra difficult to cope with, is that exact non equal relation in which some of us have taken on a role of "the helper" without being fully aware or even meaning to fall into this role. Simply because we cared so much about his person and saw a lot of positive and destructive potential. It get´s easier to live with. It certainly is getting easier for me. How ever I still find it absurd that our friendship had to end and in such a infantile fashion. 5 years later, it´s almost OK. Not quite there yet. I continue to have good and bad dreams about our friendship, but frequency is a lot lower. Make sure you understand that you gave her all the chances in the world to have your friendship. And that she ultimately rejected it on a whim. I think you have to be very focused on taking care of yourself in this. I´d recommend against getting dragged into this relation again, though I have a very very limited understanding of your relationship. Just talking from personal experience here. I doubt it makes much difference whether the relationship was one-sided or really equal. It is the wealth and intensity of emotions harbored and invested that makes it hard to let go and get over any relationship.

My experience was one of a fairly one-sided friendship in many regards. Maybe part of what makes it extra difficult to cope with, is that exact non equal relation in which some of us have taken on a role of “the helper” without being fully aware or even meaning to fall into this role. Simply because we cared so much about his person and saw a lot of positive and destructive potential.

It get´s easier to live with. It certainly is getting easier for me. How ever I still find it absurd that our friendship had to end and in such a infantile fashion. 5 years later, it´s almost OK. Not quite there yet. I continue to have good and bad dreams about our friendship, but frequency is a lot lower.

Make sure you understand that you gave her all the chances in the world to have your friendship. And that she ultimately rejected it on a whim. I think you have to be very focused on taking care of yourself in this. I´d recommend against getting dragged into this relation again, though I have a very very limited understanding of your relationship. Just talking from personal experience here.

]]> By: Jean http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6026 Jean Sat, 25 Feb 2012 04:34:48 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6026 Kathleen, It sounds as if it was a very one-sided relationship. Why are you having so much trouble letting go? Kathleen,
It sounds as if it was a very one-sided relationship. Why are you having so much trouble letting go?

]]> By: Kathleen http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6025 Kathleen Sat, 25 Feb 2012 03:38:49 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6025 I just got dumped by my friend of 27 years. She is someone I always walked on eggshells around and you could never disagree with her so I just didn't. I am stable and she goes from one job to the next, usually because her boss is "an idiot". I have lent her thousands of dollars, never really expecting to be repaid, although i did go into debt to do it (stupid me but they really needed it). First i would offer and then she would "reluctantly" ask. I did so many things and never expected anything in return. I paid for almost every vacation her family has taken. She rarely made time for me. Another friend of mine needed someone to work for her and both of my friends pushed me to meet as they thought it would work. I was worried as felt their personalities may clash. I told them both about my concerns that if it didn't work out my friendship with one or both of them would be changed. My long time friend assured me it wouldn't. So she started work and things were great for awhile. Then suddenly she is telling me how terrible things are with my other friend, her boss. I made the mistake of not taking her side. She became short and we agreed to not discuss her work again as I found it awkward. Shortly after she goes in and quits. I don't call her and three days later she sends me an email saying I should have called her and I was now never to contact her or her family again. I immediately wrote back saying I was giving her time as felt she was angry with me. I told her I was sorry about my misjudgement and wanted to support her and would like to call her if she would let me. She has not answered. I am sad about not being able to contact her parents as we are close. Not sure if I should leave it. I know her and she can be very nasty and confrontational. I just got dumped by my friend of 27 years. She is someone I always walked on eggshells around and you could never disagree with her so I just didn’t. I am stable and she goes from one job to the next, usually because her boss is “an idiot”. I have lent her thousands of dollars, never really expecting to be repaid, although i did go into debt to do it (stupid me but they really needed it). First i would offer and then she would “reluctantly” ask. I did so many things and never expected anything in return. I paid for almost every vacation her family has taken. She rarely made time for me. Another friend of mine needed someone to work for her and both of my friends pushed me to meet as they thought it would work. I was worried as felt their personalities may clash. I told them both about my concerns that if it didn’t work out my friendship with one or both of them would be changed. My long time friend assured me it wouldn’t. So she started work and things were great for awhile. Then suddenly she is telling me how terrible things are with my other friend, her boss. I made the mistake of not taking her side. She became short and we agreed to not discuss her work again as I found it awkward. Shortly after she goes in and quits. I don’t call her and three days later she sends me an email saying I should have called her and I was now never to contact her or her family again. I immediately wrote back saying I was giving her time as felt she was angry with me. I told her I was sorry about my misjudgement and wanted to support her and would like to call her if she would let me. She has not answered. I am sad about not being able to contact her parents as we are close. Not sure if I should leave it. I know her and she can be very nasty and confrontational.

]]> By: Jean http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6017 Jean Sat, 18 Feb 2012 18:09:39 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6017 Alexandra, It sounds as if you have to respect his wishes and move on. Life does hurt at times, and sometimes the best we can do is to keep learning and growing. Alexandra,
It sounds as if you have to respect his wishes and move on. Life does hurt at times, and sometimes the best we can do is to keep learning and growing.

]]> By: Alexandra http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-6016 Alexandra Sat, 18 Feb 2012 12:53:17 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-6016 I just lost my best friend, we started spending a lot of time together in november last year and have been seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week since then, we share a group of friends so this time wasn't spent always just me and him. I've always had a degree of trouble keeping platonic male friends but really thought this would work out, he told me in the beginning he wasn't attracted to me and i felt and still feel the same even though i value him hugely as a friend. Tonight he told me he was upset and didn't want to see me when we had plans the next day. He told me it wasn't my fault, i couldn't fix it or make it up to him and that I didn't want to know why he didn't want to be friends anymore. He insisted I didn't want to know. I think maybe he has developed feelings for me more than friendship but I have a boyfriend who I've been with for more than four years and don't want to explore that option with my friend, i just don't feel that way about him. I want to know if people think there could be any other reason why he suddenly doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, we never had an argument and i've never said anything behind his back and this has come really out of the blue for me. I don't want to lose him as a friend but I also don't want to push him to tell me something he doesn't want to or possibly something i don't want to hear because that could well make things worse (if he has feelings for me). How can I get my best friend back? I just lost my best friend, we started spending a lot of time together in november last year and have been seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week since then, we share a group of friends so this time wasn’t spent always just me and him.

I’ve always had a degree of trouble keeping platonic male friends but really thought this would work out, he told me in the beginning he wasn’t attracted to me and i felt and still feel the same even though i value him hugely as a friend.

Tonight he told me he was upset and didn’t want to see me when we had plans the next day. He told me it wasn’t my fault, i couldn’t fix it or make it up to him and that I didn’t want to know why he didn’t want to be friends anymore. He insisted I didn’t want to know. I think maybe he has developed feelings for me more than friendship but I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for more than four years and don’t want to explore that option with my friend, i just don’t feel that way about him.

I want to know if people think there could be any other reason why he suddenly doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, we never had an argument and i’ve never said anything behind his back and this has come really out of the blue for me. I don’t want to lose him as a friend but I also don’t want to push him to tell me something he doesn’t want to or possibly something i don’t want to hear because that could well make things worse (if he has feelings for me). How can I get my best friend back?

]]> By: Anais Alvarez http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-5614 Anais Alvarez Thu, 22 Sep 2011 20:22:15 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-5614 I lost my best friend last night.. He slowly over time replaced it and I barely noticed it. It hurt so bad.. I don't even know how to deal with this kind of pain. He was like a brother that knew me more than anyone in the world.. Things change and people forget you and that's life.. I lost my best friend last night.. He slowly over time replaced it and I barely noticed it. It hurt so bad.. I don’t even know how to deal with this kind of pain. He was like a brother that knew me more than anyone in the world.. Things change and people forget you and that’s life..

]]> By: Jean http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-5433 Jean Wed, 22 Jun 2011 08:52:58 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-5433 Marley, Please keep in mind a lot of people have gone through the same thing and wind up stronger and happier than before. If you work it right that can be true for you too. As bikehikebabe says, don't be afraid to get some professional help if you need it. It can speed your growth and recovery. Marley,
Please keep in mind a lot of people have gone through the same thing and wind up stronger and happier than before. If you work it right that can be true for you too. As bikehikebabe says, don’t be afraid to get some professional help if you need it. It can speed your growth and recovery.

]]> By: bikehikebabe http://stresstopower.com/blog/2008/09/14/what-i-learned-from-being-dumped-by-my-best-friend/comment-page-2/#comment-5432 bikehikebabe Tue, 21 Jun 2011 00:03:02 +0000 http://stresstopower.com/blog/?p=536#comment-5432 Marley, Anyone who makes you feel like that is NO FRIEND. If you need professional help get it. But otherwise you'll get over it & realize later that nobody is worth suffering over. (Easy for me to say.) Marley, Anyone who makes you feel like that is NO FRIEND. If you need professional help get it. But otherwise you’ll get over it & realize later that nobody is worth suffering over. (Easy for me to say.)

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